Crucial Confrontations

My latest attempt at educating myself on how to deal with other people's bad behavior is by reading the second installment of the crucial conversation books. They are both separate books so you can actually read each book independently and still get the message. I am reading this book because this is what I deal with most at work - having difficult confrontations with people when I have to hold them accountable.

It doesn't matter if I am questioning someone for being late or just asking to speak to them about the weather - everyone is always defensive and ready to attack. 

What has caused the world to react like this?

In my case - it's because the people I deal with have a very hard time with being held accountable for their actions. If you are late - you are late. If you are suppose to be there at 7am and you don't come in until 7:15a - you are late. You can argue until you are blue in the face of the reason (lost car keys, locked self out of the house, forgot your parking pass at home, needed to get your Starbucks) but the main issue is that you are late.

I understand that people can be late. Hell, I can procrastinate with the best of them.

We all have moments in our life when we are late - that is ok. Most of the time the late part isn't even the part that I have a problem with, it's that people want to argue about it with me. Just say, "You know what, I am late. I am sorry. I will work on getting here on time," not, "Why don't you relax I am only 15 minutes late. This isn't the end of the world. You are always on my case."

Those responses piss me off really quick. In fact, I am not even looking for your excuses, I am just making the statement that you are late. I could go on and on with the accountability issues that people argue (and this does not just happen in the work place, people in our everyday life don't want to be held accountable for anything) but I really don't have all day. I know that I can't change the world, or even the people I work with, so I had to do something so that I don't have a heartattack at my desk when I get so mad at people and take what what they say personally.

I started reading this book and it has provided me some great tools in how to confront and have difficult conversations and meetings with people. Learning to notice the signs when a confrontation is going the wrong way and the other person no longer feels safe are crucial when having a good healthy and conversation. Safety is the most important thing in a crucial conversation and knowing what to do when safety is loss is very important. When safety is in question during one of these conversations I now know to step out of the conversation - restore safety - and hopefully get the outcome that benefits both of us. 

Understanding crucial confrontations and being able to utilize the tools that are taught in this book will help with any type of confrontations. Whether it's the irritating co-worker who is always late, your spouse who insists on putting the dishes in the dishwasher the wrong way, or that nasty lady in the grocery store line who believes everyone is her servant, you will know the way to handle these situations and conduct every type of crucial conversation.