Death. Most of us don’t want to admit it but we know it’s inevitable. Death steals our loved ones during the day, late at night, and even on the most important holidays. We can try desperately to elude death but there is no escaping it. The truth is death is extremely patient. It waits for us in a dark corner of our lives, like a hungry animal, preparing to attack us at any given moment. No matter how ready we think we are, when death comes to take someone we love – we are sideswiped into feelings and emotions that we never thought possible. Death has no conscience. Death comes, takes what it wants, and there isn’t a fucking thing we can do about it.
Gloria’s family was the most cherished part of her life. I dated her son Jake for years in the early 2000’s so I had the opportunity to be considered a part of her family, even if for a short amount of time, and it meant more to me than I ever thought possible. I didn’t realize the impact that Gloria had on me until I was standing there in the back of the funeral home absorbing that she was no longer walking side by side with us.
I always reflex on the past. I can’t seem to think about the future, or the present, without thinking about the people from my past and what they have done for me. I believe that the people that we interact with in our lives transforms us into the people we become.
I met Gloria in 2001 when I first moved to Bradenton to be with my then boyfriend Jake. I met Gloria and Jake’s dad, Jim, at their house and was so intimidated when I met them. Gloria welcomed me with open arms and Jim looked at me funny, you know, like I had taken something from the house that I wasn’t suppose to.
Was I nervous?
Absolutely. I spent months, and possibly years, telling Jake, “Your parents hate me.”
He would get so frustrated with me and tell me, “No they don’t. You sabatoge everything. There is something really fucking wrong with you.”
Was he right? Yes.
What did I know? The mother of the guy I dated before Jake hated me so much that she would talk about me like I wasn’t in the room and enjoyed insulting me every possible chance she could.
Gloria was different. She had this presence about her that made me feel warm and loved. It was something that I didn’t understand and felt uneasy about but secretly, it was something that I had craved for so many years.
When I hated my job as a nurse and complained about it everyday she took the chance and hired me at Coast Bank as her Compliance Assistant. I took the job before I even knew what I would spend eight hours a day doing. I was happy to have someone take a chance on me so I jumped at the offer and started working for her. Gloria taught me so much about the banking world and although I thought that my mother-in-law being my boss would cause major problems at family functions - we were able to find the greatest balance. We wouldn’t talk about work at home and we tried not to talk about home at work; that didn’t go over very well.
I would spend countless hours complaining to her about her own son and she would listen with an open heart, an open mind, and always give me the best advise never discrediting him. It was so respectful and I was always so envious of how much she loved Jake.
The summer of 2003 is filled with memories of Gloria and the Saur family. Even though Jake and I were no longer together I spent as much time with the family as I did when we were together. Weekend trips on the boat, an amazing road trip to Key West, and some of the best work lunches anyone could ask for. I can still hear her saying, “JOEY,” whenever she would see me or think of something to tell me. It was the way she said my name, with excitement, and she made me feel that she actually did love me and care about me being around her.
I stood in the back of the funeral home listening to everyone speak but I was also enjoying my own special slide show in my heart about my time with Gloria. Five people had the opportunity to get up and share their history and experiences with Gloria and as I fought back the tears I couldn’t help but internally laugh about how fun Gloria was. When the scheduled speakers were done the pastor stood up and offered for anyone else to get up and speak. I leaned from foot to foot and chewed on my thumbnail. Did I get up and share my story? Would Jake and his dad attack me when I was done sharing what was probably considered an inappropriate story? I didn’t know what to do so I did something that I hardly ever do – I didn’t do anything. I let the pause of the audience pass and when the pastor started speaking again I took a deep sigh and immediately knew that if Gloria was looking down at me she was shaking her head in disappointment.
She would have said to me, “Joey – OH MY GOD – get your ass up there and speak!”
I didn’t have the opportunity to tell our story yesterday so I only think it appropriate to tell the story now.
I spent many weekends with the Saur’s on their boat out in Tampa Bay in 2003. The weekends we spent on the boat were filled with sun, beer, and lots of laughs. It was the closest I had ever been to paradise and I would imagine we were transported to some tropical island in the deepest of the Caribbean Sea. While I sit down to write this I can’t help but remember one day when we were out on the boat and I had to shit. I couldn’t hold it any longer and Gloria told me to swim out as close to the beach as I could, pull my pants down in the water, and let it go. She said, “Don’t worry Joey, it will float to the beach.” Priceless.
One weekend we were out on the boat and floating around nude island absorbing the sun and enjoying the cool breeze that always swept across the bay. We were anchored close to the beach and while Gloria and I sat on the boat swaying from side to side, Jake and Jim were waist high in water looking at the scenery and talking with other boaters that were anchored only feet away from us. Gloria and I were sitting at the bow facing each other snacking on almonds. I couldn’t tell you what we were talking about but it was probably all the naked people that were standing on their boats looking out over the water.
We commented about these people like we were teenage girls and that was half the fun about being with Gloria – you could be yourself and she would just fit in with whatever you were talking about. I decided to lie down to get some sun so I covered my face with the towel and stretched out on the bench that I was sitting on.
Our conversation didn’t end just because my face was covered and we kept on talking about nonsense while I continued to snack on almonds. After a few moments I started to sweat and sat up to wipe my face off and get a drink of water. I removed the towel from my head and looked to the right out into the sea. Gloria was talking away and when I turned left to look at her, and grab more nuts, there she was, arms stretched out on both sides of her and boobs bobbing like buoys.
“GLORIA. OH MY GOD. Put your top on.” I immediately screamed and then started laughing while I put the towel back over my head.
“Oh Joey. They’re just my boobs,” she said while munching on almonds without a care in the world. How often does someone see their boss’ boobs, or better yet, their surrogate mom’s boobs? It was hilarious and after I realized that she wasn’t going to give in to my request I took the easiest way out – I threw myself overboard and splashed into the water.
I swam out to Jake and after explaining to him what happened he couldn’t stop laughing. When we got back on the boat she had put her bikini top back on and we didn’t speak of it again until the next day at work.
I was sitting in her office and she was going over a project that I had to complete and there was a very serious deadline that we had to meet and while she talked all I could think of were her boobs dancing in front of my face. She was talking but all I could hear were, “Boobs boobs boobs bouncing boobs big bouncing boobs.”
“Gloria, your mouth is moving but all I can do is see your boobs.” I quietly said to her while she flipped through paperwork.
She looked at me for a moment, stood up, closed her door, and started laughing so hard. We laughed till there were tears in our eyes and as fast as we started laughing she looked at me and said, “Joey do not mention that again within these walls.” We got the laughter out and then I opened the door again and it was back to business as usual.
Gloria will always be one of the most influential people in my life. She was the person who loved me for me and had no hesitation to open up her life and heart to me when I needed it the most. She held my hand the moment I found out my mom died and told me that I would come out of this stronger than I could ever imagine. She loved me even after Jake and I separated and never made me feel that I was no longer apart of the family.
We are lucky enough to meet all sorts of people in our lives. They will come into our lives and imprint their love onto our hearts, their laughter will be forever recorded in our brains, and hopefully we will gain knowledge from their life experiences and never make the same mistakes.
Gloria was that and much more.
Gloria was an extraordinary woman who filled everyone’s life with love, joy, and happiness and will always be highly respected. She was the glue that held so many pieces together and I only hope the items that she held together with her love and kindness continue to stand strong now that she is gone.
Love you Gloria – You will be forever missed.
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