THE JOE SHOW

KANSAS IS FOR CRAZIES!

I can barely write this post.

Aviation History Museum = FAIL!

This was my first visit to Kansas City, MO. The flight was uneventful and when I landed I hurried to rent my car and then headed to the Aviation History Museum. It was not what I expected.

4 DAYS - 4 STATES

This was suppose to post on Friday but my Typepad app on my iphone was NOT cooperating.  So here it is...

What I am reading: The Lost Symbol

                             

Dan Brown can really write a novel. I have read Angels & Demons, Deception Point, and The DaVinci Code and this guy knows how to pull you into his world within the first chapter. This is another masterpiece of mystery and action and when I sit down to open the book I can barely put it down. 

This could be another factor regarding my inability to go to bed early at night.

 

RING THE ALARM

Did I put deodorant on this morning?

Intervention needed. Apply within.

I had another insane day at work today. WHY I chose to do this to myself I will never know. If I wanted to babysit I would go back to what I did when I was 13; I would go to the neighbors house, put the kids to bed, and try to catch a glimpse of a dick between the lines of the snowy Playboy channel. All that while making $2.00 an hour.

Talk about work related stress - I came home and threw my mouse across my desk because I couldn't send an email. I need an intervention soon before I drop dead of a heart attack.

I was told to stop having high expectations. If I go into every situation expecting people to let me down, it won't be such a big shock when they prove me right.  If by chance they surprise me, which I doubt, I will make myself a peanut butter and fluff sandwich and watch porn. Talk about sticky and sweet!

Break Stuff

I feel like I have abandoned the world.

Where the hell have I been? What the hell have I been doing? I've been around but I have been so preoccupied with life, work, life...did I say life? I sure did.

I have been inspired to write something at least everyday. It could be a thought, a sentence, a paragraph or in digging deep into my history a 10 page essay. I will keep the 10 page essays to a minimum and save those for my book whenever that gets published. Who am I joking - I can't even finish reading a book without questioning if I should take the time and energy to finish it. I feel like Joe is lost and I need to hurry up and rummage through the remainder parts of my soul and find him before it is too late.

I am going to use The Joe Show as more of a public diary than a showcase of my writing ability. I know I can write - I don't need to prove it anymore. I need to get my feelings out and my everyday frustrations that have driven me to the brink of crazy.

Never can I be accused of holding back and not expressing myself. If I learned one thing from Madonna was to Express Yourself. 

In the last few weeks I have been going through some MAJOR drama and bullshit. I know. I am 37 and getting too old for dealing with other people and their bullshit. But I do. How fucked up have I been? Well everyday when I leave work - I get in the Jeep and I listen to this song as loud as I can handle it.

It clears my head and actually controls all the inner turmoil that I have been dealing with.

DIARY OF A DRUNKEN BEAR: THE ALCOHOL STRIKES BACK.

DIARY OF A DRUNKEN BEAR: ATTACK OF THE DRUNKEN MESS.

DIARY OF A DRUNKEN BEAR: DOUBLE FISTING.

DIARY OF A DRUNKEN BEAR: THE RETURN OF MY MOJO.

DIARY OF A DRUNKEN BEAR

LIVE FROM 35,000 FEET

There is a first time for everything...

CRAZY CAT LADY

CRISPY CURLY FRIES

I have this evil feature programmed into me – laughing at people who fall down and hurt themselves. 

DROWNED WORLD

“Would you like to go to the Madonna concert with me?”

22A

“Is that Snooki’s cousin sitting next to me?”

NO COUNTRY FOR HOT MUSTARD SAUCE

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling once my iphone alarm woke me up by singing Jump by Madonna at 9:30a.m. I tossed and turned for a few moments contemplating if I wanted to get out of bed. I had been out the night before in Buffalo until 3a.m. and didn’t go to bed until 4a.m. and I had to decide if 5 1/2 hours of sleep was going to get me through the rest of the day.

GAGA - OOOO LALA

I had placed the idea that I was not gonna see Lady Gaga in the back of my head and decided to move on with my life. 

$20.00

You would be surprised at what $20 gets you in a recession. 

THE END OF A DECADE

2009 was another fantastic year. What can I say - I have the best job.

WINTER CAN BE DANGEROUS

LAST CHRISTMAS

Christmas has always been one of my favorite holidays; coming in right behind my birthday. I would never give up celebrating my birthday but after a full year of debating back and forth we, Matt and I, have decided that we will not be celebrating Christmas this year.

OPERATION: TOMATO ASS

I have always considered myself to go that extra mile to provide the best customer service possible. Working in this industry, whether you flip burgers, pour coffee, or fly people all over the country, you must carry around a tattooed smile like your life depends on it.  To be nice and helpful just doesn’t cut it anymore - people expect a smile no matter what, including if the plane is plummeting thousands of feet into the ocean. 

PARTY IN THE USA

Is it wrong that I am a 37 year old man who loves pop music? Is it because I am from the 80’s pop era? Maybe I haven’t been able to pull myself out of it. I don’t know what the reason but when I can recite every word of a Miley Cyrus song - I believe any help that a professional therapist could provide would be a futile attempt of snapping me out of this addiction.

ALBUQUERQWEEEE

David & I had such an intense schedule planned for New Mexico that when we both agreed we would do nothing for the two days we were there, we both took a deep breath and sighed. 

38 OUT OF 50

Our first day in New Mexico was a semi-easy day with just a quick flight in from Phoenix   to Albuquerque and a morning drive to Santa Fe for some sightseeing and food and then back to Albuquerque to continue the food and sightseeing festivities.

THE GRAND CANYON

Don’t get me wrong - I enjoy flying Southwest Airlines. What I don’t enjoy is when I list on a specific flight and the agent informs me that the flight is wide open, only to find when I step onboard  that all the overhead bin space is full and the only empty seats are smack dab in between two fatties.

WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE

Nothing is better than when your original perfect plan comes together.

AMERICA'S MOUNTAIN

We couldn’t leave Rapid City, South Dakota fast enough. I enjoyed the scenery, mountains, and friendly residences but we hadn’t been with other gay people for 4 days and if we didn’t see some fags soon - someone was gonna get hurt.

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE GAY KIND

When we were in Rapid City, David was looking at brochures and he came across one for Devil’s Tower in Wyoming. Do you know what that is from? That is the large natural tower that was in the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind...We decided before we went to bed the night before that we would venture to Wyoming to see this natural creation.

DEAD PRESIDENTS

Actually, we got up at 3:00a.m. and I wasn’t tired at all. I was excited to think that within 6 hours I would be in Rapid City, South Dakota and driving to see Mt. Rushmore.

THE ARCH

There are so many places to choose when a vacation: France, Portugal, Brazil, Hawaii...well the list can go on and on and when it is my list - it is never ending.

I WILL CALL HIM JACK!

Traveling to NYC has taken its toll on me and most of the time I feel like I am an extra in the 1987 comedy; Planes, Trains and Automobiles. The only question is, am I the ever talented Steve Martin or have I taken on the role of the dearly departed John Candy? Don't answer that.

THE TRUCKER HAT BOYS

If you would have told me that I was going to drive from New York City to Columbus on Friday; fly home to Orlando on Saturday and then fly BACK to Columbus on Monday to drive back to NYC - I would have told you that you were fucking crazy.

19TH FLOOR

Sleep couldn’t come quick enough. I was so tired that my eyes were burning and if my only choice was to sleep on the side of the road - I would have accepted it without hesitation.

WHERE IN THE WHEELING ARE WE?

I have always enjoyed road trips. When I was a child - we would pack up the car and head north to Canada very often to visit my step-father’s family. I would love being in the car, watching the scenery and stopping at all the rest stops in Massachusetts and Vermont. I wonder if that was a precursor for my love of truck stops today - I just can’t tell.

GINA!

What is your safety word?

BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL PART 2

The fun continues...

BLAME IT ON THE ALCOHOL PART 1

Party time has begun...

GOODBYE CHICAGO

I had never been so ready to just be home. Put a fork in me because I was done.

SHORTY SHIT STAIN

I opened my eyes, it had to be like 9a.m., and I looked over to see Joe in his bed with no sign of Mike. I had remembered at the Blowoff party he stated his phone was dead so there was no reason to text him or call him. I concluded that if he was dead he was dead and there was nothing I could do about it at that point.

HANCOCK

Did I get kicked out of the Hilton last night? Jesus - is that what kind of weekend this is going to be? I am thinking - YES. By the time Mike and I got to our room, Mike had received a text message from Ryan stating he already started the email threat with his complaint to the Hilton. I love Ryan.

THE HILTON MASSACRE

Saying that I ran out of the office on Friday to catch my flight to Chicago would be an understatement - you would have thought I was on Amazing Race trying to win a million dollar prize.

VINYL

I have taken the E train MANY times so I don’t know what I was thinking this morning when I got off at the wrong stop and had to schlep my ass 2 miles to the office.

THE GEM

I finally spent my first night in Manhattan.

I spent 8 months living in New York City and last night I actually spent the night in Manhattan. I know that Queens is NYC but come on - Manhattan is the TRUE New York City.

STOP BITCHING!

I have always wondered something; if someone is unhappy - why do they choose to stay? It doesn’t matter whether it is a bad marriage, a stressful friendship or a job - if you are miserable - just go .

THE HIDDEN DOOR

I don’t believe in miracles but the fact that I could get up out of bed after a night like that and I am able to function- is shocking. 

HOW MANY DRINKS DOES IT TAKE?

When Matt and I were getting ready for TBRU we made a bold and crazy decision - if there was someone we wanted to make out with while we were in Dallas it was pre-approved. I mean it’s just kissing.
 

A FULL DAY

The weekend in Dallas was all about fun - well almost.